remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
