Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
