Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
