Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
birth control should be required to get into college
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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