I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
