i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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