Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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