If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
