bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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