He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
