Im at strip club and am horny
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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