Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Sorry about my life...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
