Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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