So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize