She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
