youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
