I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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