i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
