I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
