I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
