And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
