i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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