She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
