so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
