sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
