My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
