About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
