I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
