ya dads aren't the best wingmen
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize