was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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