They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
