so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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