If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
