So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
