John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
