you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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