Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
