It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
