I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
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