We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
