the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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