These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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