I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
