please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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