I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
