Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
we're so committed to being not committed
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
