So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
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