i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
