Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
