I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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