I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
