What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
