Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
