Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
