Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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