i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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