I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
im holly from the hills drunk
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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