I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
