so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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