You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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