here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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