Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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