I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
