Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
