I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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