I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
