dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
