she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
