WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
