I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
