The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize