How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
