In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
